Craft Massacre



It’s not a holiday around my house until two things happen:

1. My dining room looks like someone set Dexter loose in the sale aisle at Michael’s Arts and Crafts.

2. I dress my kid in a hat with ears on it and take him somewhere festive, wherein I force him into a photo op that makes him cry. (That’s a reindeer hat in the picture. And he actually quite enjoyed the lights in Griffith Park until I tripped him while trying to get the perfect picture of his smiling face.)

And in the grand tradition of holidays, it’s not a holiday until I feel underappreciated for doing a whole bunch of shit that no one asked me to do anyway. This holiday I’m vowing to change that, because it’s not much fun for any of the parties involved. But I’m going to start adhering to that vow tomorrow. Today, I have a grievance I’d like to air.

Scott came home late last night to find me crafting away and so stressed that I had broken into the baking chocolate. But I was excited to show him my newly-adorned fig preserves. I did two versions, one for our Christian friends and another all-purpose design for the Jewish/Athiest/Pagan/Buddhist/Undecided folks in our life. He looked at the jars and said this:


Talk about underappreciated. So I’m taking an informal poll. Which of these two jars do you think I’m taking to Hanukah dinner tonight? If you guess right, I’ll send you a formal invite to attend the Michael’s after-Christmas sale with me. You won’t believe the bargains on cookie tins and fake mistletoe.


11 thoughts on “Craft Massacre

  1. its obvious to me that red and holly=christmas. figs=insert belief system here. for what its worth, i appreciate your artistry and craftsmanship and apparent green thumb and culinary skills (….and enough that i am commenting on this literally 39 minutes before i am supposed to give my MFA graduate lecture)

  2. Well, a BLIND girl could see that the one on the right is the multi-denominational one. Boys. Pffft. Good for so many things, just not the delicate nuances of craftery.

  3. Okay, I think the one on the left is for your Christian friends and the one on the right is for your Jewish/Athiest/Pagan/Buddhist/Undecided friends. Hope I got it right! But as a Christian, I’d be happy with either. They’re both very pretty.

  4. The left one is for the Jesus lovers.

    I’d love to go to Michael’s with you — not because I’m into crafts, but it would great to see you. :)

  5. I am just going to take a stab at this…
    the one on the left is for your Christian folk, and the one on the right is for your Jewish/Athiest/Pagan/Buddhist/Undecided folk?
    Oh, and I too love after Christmas sales. Here (in good ole Fargo, ND) Hobby Lobby is the place to be, all the way into Feb! 50-80% off anything with Santa or snow? heck yes.

  6. Holly = Christian!

    However, despite my being an atheist, I did just put a wreath with holly in it on the front door today.

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