Last weekend Scott and I attended the Beyond Consequences seminar, with Heather Forbes. Before we went, we bought her book, Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control: A Love Based Approach to Helping Children with Severe Behaviors. The book and the seminar undoubtedly contain the most impactful information I’ve yet encountered about parenting children who have suffered trauma.
I’ve shared some about what we’ve ben going through with T, but honestly I haven’t even scratched the surface. Believe me when I tell you that Scott and I have never in our lives despaired quite like this. Parenting trauma is confusing and isolating and sometimes all the amazing blogs in the world aren’t enough to make me feel validated. In this respect, the seminar was incredibly helpful.
I’d like to share probably the most illuminating shift in perspective that the seminar offered. I keep coming back to it.
The basic idea is to change the question from:
How do I get my child to change his behavior?
1. What is driving my child’s behavior
2. What can I do at this moment to improve my relationship with my child?
If you are parenting a child with severe behaviors, particularly one who has experienced some kind of trauma, I urge you to check out Heather Forbes.