Bloggy Playdate

Sunday we had a playdate with my blog-friend-turned-real-life-friend Kristen and her amazing brood.

The only danger of hanging out with Kristen is that I immediately want three more children. She and Mark are so graceful about the whole thing that it looks like a completely reasonable option. In reality, I got cold feet about a year and a half ago about our second adoption process and it’s been in limbo ever since. I actually touched base with the agency yesterday and asked them to keep our paperwork on hold for another six months.

I just don’t know, folks. I feel so inadequate most of the time, especially when faced with Tariku’s challenges and needs. I feel like I need to get a better handle on this mothering thing before I add another little being to the equation. But is that completely delusional? Will I ever feel like I have a handle on it? For now I’m checking the undecided box and just crashing the party of Kristen’s big family once in a while.

It’s definitely challenging and overwhelming for Tariku to be around more than one friend at a time. In all, I think he did beautifully. I really saw him trying to figure out how to participate and be kind.

The nice thing about hanging out with some of the other adoptive families I know is that there’s so much less explaining and apologizing to do. They get it. They get that my kid didn’t have parents for a while at a crucial time in his development. It has repercussions We’re working it out. We’re healing. We’re doing great, actually. But our version of doing great looks different that it does for kids who have had a typical attachment cycle in the first three years of life.

I’ve learned so much about all of this- attachment, adoption, parenting, faith, love, community- from my blogger friends. They’ve made me feel less alone on many desperately sad and scared nights. I’m not someone who generally goes to blogging conferences (yet), so it’s a special treat for me to hang out in the flesh with one of my fave blogging moms. One of my fave moms period.

Sometimes I question what I write on this blog. Does anyone really care about my kid’s day out at the beach? Am I engaged in a navel-gazing waste of time when I should be working on an article or another book? And then I remember why I do everything I do- books, plays, blogs, whatever- I do it to connect. And I’ve connected to so much that I value in my life through blogging. I was reminded of that on Sunday.

10 Responses to 'Bloggy Playdate'

  1. Kristen says:

    Tariku did AWESOME. And I totally agree – the relationships born out of blogging have been such a gift. You can crash our party any time!

  2. Mindy says:

    Awwwww. I love my blogger friends, too. It’s such a trip to hang out with blogger friends in real life. And the part about not having to apologize when you’re with other adoptive families? EXACTLY! It always amazes me. I love me some adoptive mamas big time.

    I’ll be so curious to see what you decide to do with adopting again or not.

    And yes, we do love reading what happened during your kids’ day at the beach. Especially how you write it because it’s always funny and sweet. :)

    • Jillian says:

      The other thing I love about blogging is that I get to keep connected with my real life friends and family in a deeper way. Consider you to be both friends and family

  3. Carey says:

    I’m glad you’ve found each other! And equally glad you’ve discovered the warm fuzzies that come with surrounding yourself with those who don’t judge, don’t raise eyebrows and who hand you a glass of wine as they watch your child have a meltdown.

    PS. I love reading your blog! YOU give me hope and inspiration with my crew!

  4. Shannon says:

    I also love reading your blog- even the mundane things. But I especially am interested in following Tariku’s journey, because our son Alyosha was adopted at the same age. (He’s only 18 months now). Thanks for taking the time to share and be vulnerable!

  5. tara says:

    I’m new to your blog (blogs in general, actually) and just wanted to say that I wish I had been introduced to your blog 13 years ago when I had my first child. Raising kids in NYC is challenging on many levels and defies convention in so many ways. It’s refreshing to connect with like minded people, even if I’m only an observer in a sense.

  6. danica says:

    i’m not even a mom but i love following your family journey and i know that other people must feel the same. please keep sharing! xoxox

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