It’s National Adoption Day. I appreciate the motivation to reflect on adoption- both as an adoptee and an adoptive mom. Adoption is such a big piece of my story. Adoption is complicated and messy and flawed and confusing. It’s the source of some of my greatest joy as well as my greatest pain. I am grateful and amazed every day at what it’s brought to my life.
In somewhat-adoption-related news around here, we did wind up getting booted out of that pre-school. But I’m kind of grateful for that, too, because it wasn’t the right fit for T. And it really forced me to go back to basics with what I know about T’s early childhood trauma and the resulting behaviors. I picked up Heather Forbes’ Beyond Consequences again (THE book as far as we’re concerned), got some counseling and am planning to head to our local pre-school on Monday to start the process of applying for an IEP.
I’d also like to share a therapeutic thing I’ve been doing with T, because I feel like it’s working beautifully. Our counselor suggested that I hold T like a baby and (if possible) make eye contact, to try to dial the attachment/connection clock back a bit. The eye contact isn’t happening so often, but we do sit there for long stretches of time while I rock him- maybe the longest I’ve ever seen him sit still. In just a few days, he’s actually coming to me sometimes and asking to “snuggle” when he starts to get dysregulated. It’s awesome. I’m not sure who gets more healing out of it- T or me.
Also, on National Adoption Day, I’d like to point you toward an old post from my bud Kristen Howerton over at Rage Against the Minivan. Adoption isn’t a solution to the world orphan crisis. Here are some things that might be.