A Blow to the Head


I am packing my books, pulling the dusty tomes down from a high shelf, when my dead friend’s poetry chapbook falls and hits me on the head. It is hot pink and stapled at the fold.

How I felt about her art always changed with how I felt about her, and our complicated friendship. It was:

Raw, vulnerable, essential…


Indulgent, sentimental, over-exposed.

Shifting all the time.

She made me angry and delighted. She was the one I called every day, with whom I shared a secret band name even though neither of us had any musical talent whatsoever. The one who got a matching tattoo. The one who was always spilling over at the edges. The one whose laugh was not very ladylike- almost exactly like mine. She made me feel less alone.

Dammit, I think, when I pick up the book. There goes my night. Now I’m gonna cry and hit the chocolate. I don’t have time for this. I’m moving, after all. Deadlines, kid on spring break, busybusybusy.

And then I slide down the wall, sit cross-legged on the carpet, and begin to read. How marvelous. To pause and have a visit with her tonight. When all I could think of was a to-do list.

I will meet you anywhere anytime, Jennifer Grant. I miss you every day, my friend.

I am grateful that the universe saw fit to drop her poetry on my head tonight.

4 thoughts on “A Blow to the Head

  1. JL…just a short note…I have read just a couple of your posting on your blog…and you CAN write…good flow and such casual banter. Never heard of you until I came across your Brunei story…curious I googled your name and this blog came up……and I thought another bimbo trying to write her life story trading on her past….sorry I was wrong! It’s late now – past 2am in Melbourne..and I must to sleep. My wife is already fast asleep in our bed beside my desk….but I have bookmark your blog and…in the words of that famous American General…I will return. Goodnight.

  2. I know exactly the type of sisterhood you speak of. This makes me weep (in sorrow) for the love you two shared in the physical world, but also (in joy) for the connection that will forever be.

  3. Found your article today extremely interesting. I discovered you and your wonderful family and have spent the last several minutes learning more about you. I admire your work so far your experiences etc etc

  4. By accident I stopped by your blog through a media in my country about the story of the King of Brunei. Well, it turns a nice blog and I love your writings, and I dont think that you are a great writer

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